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Anonymous commented at 2013-04-04 13:04:06 » #1296263
>>Anon1278073
Welllllll, I'm not 1197003, but I can share the sentiment. Let's see...
1/ Hard to tell one bot from another, especially the decepticons. There were times during the fights when I couldn't tell who was wailing on who.
2/ He is simply a terrible cinematographer who uses explosions to cover up a lack of technical skill and knowledge. No-one in their right mind would have shot (or pseudo-shot in CG) the robo fights with that high a shutter speed given that the action was so fast and it's intended to be replayed at 24fps. Even anime has speed lines and simulated motion blur to help you get the feel of what's going on and provide a sense of speed and motion, but Bayformers battles often felt like a bunch of barely-related magic eye pictures jerkily strung together out of sequence.
3/ Dude, you've got a serious boner for the US Military, we fucking get it already, now can we move on?
4/ The sub-college-freshman toilet humour and casual racism. For fuck's sake, there's just... just no need. No need at all. Every single instance of that shit could be hacked out of the films with a rusty machete and no effort made to patch up the holes and they would still be far better for it. I don't even think the cartoon actually dared to kill the black robot first, or have a pair that were basically Ludacris and Ol' Dirty Bastard as his replacements representing the community of robots that were influenced by African American rather than generic non racial with a slight WASP leaning earth broadcasts on their way down from space.
4a/ Ditto the sexism and heinous gender balance. It's a serious sausageparty up in there. OK, the toons weren't exactly a beacon of sexual equality and balanced numbers, but at least when a girlbot (and girl human) turned up they weren't treated like a pin-up poster that happened to be able to walk, talk, oh and calculate Pi to a jillion places / perform judo whilst weighing two tons / fix a V8 without even getting their daisy dukes oily. And yes, I realise the shocking irony and hipocrisy of writing something like that in a place like this, but I at least keep my hormone-provoked moments of objectification between myself and the internet and don't spend several squillion dollars making a crap action movie to show it off.
5/ Totally squandered Prime's death, which originally was a pretty major turning point and emotional bomb, which is why it's something of an iconic occurrence in the cartoon timeline, and it was after he'd given his all in a an early false-climax battle. Here, he's murdered in the middle of just some random quicktime event, greys out briefly, and before you can say "matrix of leadership" he's been resurrected with seemingly no ill effects and is back in the game.
It takes some going to be beaten in terms of emotional impact, maturity, plotting, story and character development and authorial bravery by the very cartoon - the cheaply animated, kid-focussed cartoon engineered simply as a way to sell your upcoming newest line of toys - that you're supposed to be building upon and lightly parodying.
Oh hey, we've got this culturally massive character, who even grandparents that don't have a TV know the name of, who catchphrase was co-opted as a codeword for the passengers who attempted to regain control of a hijacked plane on 9/11, and whose public affection even our cack-handed redesign couldn't kill. Whose original-canon death scarred a generation, not least because it was "for good" and the original attempt to resurrect him turned him into a deranged zombie, and whose very soul was employed as the means of saving an entire race at the end of the movie in which he died. What can we do with him? Oh I know, let's just randomly kill him for no reason other than the story requires him to be out of the way for five minutes, then bring him back via the power of Random McGuffin #3 later on when we might need him to do stuff again, because finding some way to imprison him or have another character take over his role is a little bit too difficult and the teenagers in the audience will otherwise think we suck for a moment before they realise what's going on. Yeah, that sounds good.
6/ Bumblebee isn't a bug any more. His name doesn't even make any fucking sense. Yes, I am still hung up on this, because fuck you.
7/ Revenge of the Fallen: A cool sounding movie title searching so desperately for a plotline that doesn't involve robot zombies that they'll go and name a singular, one-shot, ax-crazy villain after it, and somehow squidge the rest of the story to fit around that precept.
8/ These are supposed to be movies about Giant Space Robots That Beat The Robo-snot Out Of Each Other. Repeat it with me.
Giant. Space. Robots.
That. Beat. The. Robo-snot. Out. Of.
Each. Other.
So why when Prime and Megs are FINALLY going at it (at least, I think it was Megs, it could have been one of the other two whose names I seriously cannot be bothered to either remember or google), do we cut away to Actual Cannibal Shia LaBoeuf hiding behind a chunk of rock, until the fight is basically over?
9/ Those supposedly semi-organic "bundle of knives" redesigns. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go fuck yourself. Cybertron presumably has atmosphere, otherwise they wouldn't have audio reproduction ... organs (?) ... but that shit is SO unaerodynamic it'd be a severe hinderance on any attempts they made at fast movements. It's also very poor in armour terms. Plus it looks ugly as sin. If you absolutely MUST change them up, and move away from the flat-plate-metal Gundam style, may I suggest something that looks like either the Angels or the Evas from NGE? It'd have fixed those issues, looked damn cool, and anyone who spotted the allusion / rip-off would be too busy thinking how awesome it was to be offended.
10/ Just to reiterate the previous point, way, way too much focus on the "human interest" bits. No, the humans, and the fact it's even happening on earth, is just to give us some kind of super basic anchor and a way to relate to it all, as well as a convenient excuse for them turning into recognisable cars, planes, etc when in "disguise" mode. It's not some kind of bungling conspiracy caper with a few giant robots thrown in.
11/ You seriously said "geewunner fag" and "assmite", and meant it as some kind of (children's cartoon) sectarian insult. Oh good lord, they let six year olds come on sites like this? Your poor mother, she must be spinning like a top... which will really frighten the ever living shit out of the guys spitroasting her in your bedroom. I mean, they'd only just got over the shock of finding out she had a dick. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them falls over backwards, smashes through at least three of your shelves full of posed but never played with action figures, and sprays a panicky mix of semen and urine all over your sheets, so much that you won't even be able to tell which stains are his and which are your own.
(Aaaand countdown until someone 34s that image and uploads it here...)
I think that's somewhere between ten and a half, and eleven and a quarter good reasons. I seek your attempted refutation of such.
9 Points
Flag
>>Anon1278073
Welllllll, I'm not 1197003, but I can share the sentiment. Let's see...
1/ Hard to tell one bot from another, especially the decepticons. There were times during the fights when I couldn't tell who was wailing on who.
2/ He is simply a terrible cinematographer who uses explosions to cover up a lack of technical skill and knowledge. No-one in their right mind would have shot (or pseudo-shot in CG) the robo fights with that high a shutter speed given that the action was so fast and it's intended to be replayed at 24fps. Even anime has speed lines and simulated motion blur to help you get the feel of what's going on and provide a sense of speed and motion, but Bayformers battles often felt like a bunch of barely-related magic eye pictures jerkily strung together out of sequence.
3/ Dude, you've got a serious boner for the US Military, we fucking get it already, now can we move on?
4/ The sub-college-freshman toilet humour and casual racism. For fuck's sake, there's just... just no need. No need at all. Every single instance of that shit could be hacked out of the films with a rusty machete and no effort made to patch up the holes and they would still be far better for it. I don't even think the cartoon actually dared to kill the black robot first, or have a pair that were basically Ludacris and Ol' Dirty Bastard as his replacements representing the community of robots that were influenced by African American rather than generic non racial with a slight WASP leaning earth broadcasts on their way down from space.
4a/ Ditto the sexism and heinous gender balance. It's a serious sausageparty up in there. OK, the toons weren't exactly a beacon of sexual equality and balanced numbers, but at least when a girlbot (and girl human) turned up they weren't treated like a pin-up poster that happened to be able to walk, talk, oh and calculate Pi to a jillion places / perform judo whilst weighing two tons / fix a V8 without even getting their daisy dukes oily. And yes, I realise the shocking irony and hipocrisy of writing something like that in a place like this, but I at least keep my hormone-provoked moments of objectification between myself and the internet and don't spend several squillion dollars making a crap action movie to show it off.
5/ Totally squandered Prime's death, which originally was a pretty major turning point and emotional bomb, which is why it's something of an iconic occurrence in the cartoon timeline, and it was after he'd given his all in a an early false-climax battle. Here, he's murdered in the middle of just some random quicktime event, greys out briefly, and before you can say "matrix of leadership" he's been resurrected with seemingly no ill effects and is back in the game.
It takes some going to be beaten in terms of emotional impact, maturity, plotting, story and character development and authorial bravery by the very cartoon - the cheaply animated, kid-focussed cartoon engineered simply as a way to sell your upcoming newest line of toys - that you're supposed to be building upon and lightly parodying.
Oh hey, we've got this culturally massive character, who even grandparents that don't have a TV know the name of, who catchphrase was co-opted as a codeword for the passengers who attempted to regain control of a hijacked plane on 9/11, and whose public affection even our cack-handed redesign couldn't kill. Whose original-canon death scarred a generation, not least because it was "for good" and the original attempt to resurrect him turned him into a deranged zombie, and whose very soul was employed as the means of saving an entire race at the end of the movie in which he died. What can we do with him? Oh I know, let's just randomly kill him for no reason other than the story requires him to be out of the way for five minutes, then bring him back via the power of Random McGuffin #3 later on when we might need him to do stuff again, because finding some way to imprison him or have another character take over his role is a little bit too difficult and the teenagers in the audience will otherwise think we suck for a moment before they realise what's going on. Yeah, that sounds good.
6/ Bumblebee isn't a bug any more. His name doesn't even make any fucking sense. Yes, I am still hung up on this, because fuck you.
7/ Revenge of the Fallen: A cool sounding movie title searching so desperately for a plotline that doesn't involve robot zombies that they'll go and name a singular, one-shot, ax-crazy villain after it, and somehow squidge the rest of the story to fit around that precept.
8/ These are supposed to be movies about Giant Space Robots That Beat The Robo-snot Out Of Each Other. Repeat it with me.
Giant. Space. Robots.
That. Beat. The. Robo-snot. Out. Of.
Each. Other.
So why when Prime and Megs are FINALLY going at it (at least, I think it was Megs, it could have been one of the other two whose names I seriously cannot be bothered to either remember or google), do we cut away to Actual Cannibal Shia LaBoeuf hiding behind a chunk of rock, until the fight is basically over?
9/ Those supposedly semi-organic "bundle of knives" redesigns. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go fuck yourself. Cybertron presumably has atmosphere, otherwise they wouldn't have audio reproduction ... organs (?) ... but that shit is SO unaerodynamic it'd be a severe hinderance on any attempts they made at fast movements. It's also very poor in armour terms. Plus it looks ugly as sin. If you absolutely MUST change them up, and move away from the flat-plate-metal Gundam style, may I suggest something that looks like either the Angels or the Evas from NGE? It'd have fixed those issues, looked damn cool, and anyone who spotted the allusion / rip-off would be too busy thinking how awesome it was to be offended.
10/ Just to reiterate the previous point, way, way too much focus on the "human interest" bits. No, the humans, and the fact it's even happening on earth, is just to give us some kind of super basic anchor and a way to relate to it all, as well as a convenient excuse for them turning into recognisable cars, planes, etc when in "disguise" mode. It's not some kind of bungling conspiracy caper with a few giant robots thrown in.
11/ You seriously said "geewunner fag" and "assmite", and meant it as some kind of (children's cartoon) sectarian insult. Oh good lord, they let six year olds come on sites like this? Your poor mother, she must be spinning like a top... which will really frighten the ever living shit out of the guys spitroasting her in your bedroom. I mean, they'd only just got over the shock of finding out she had a dick. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them falls over backwards, smashes through at least three of your shelves full of posed but never played with action figures, and sprays a panicky mix of semen and urine all over your sheets, so much that you won't even be able to tell which stains are his and which are your own.
(Aaaand countdown until someone 34s that image and uploads it here...)
I think that's somewhere between ten and a half, and eleven and a quarter good reasons. I seek your attempted refutation of such.
9 Points
Flag
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